We all scream for ice cream, is how that saying is supposed to go.  However, I am now 1 for 3 as far as ice cream goes (1 win to 2 losses).  So, now every time I tell my fam that I’m thinking about making ice cream, I think they all do a silent scream.

I did have a partial success  when Yes!Chef! made part of the Salted Caramel Ice Cream for me.  The part that failed was the caramel (which was made by me.)  Thus, I count it as a failure. Sigh.

The other day we celebrated my youngest son’s 19th birthday here at the Schmautz Haus. Whenever someone celebrates a birthday around here, I always hang this birthday banner.  It’s a Schmautz Haus tradition. And! We make a big deal of birthdays by laughing, eating, clappy-birthdaying and general merriment.  That’s also a Schmautz Haus tradition.

At any rate, the usual riff raff was present for the birthday celebration.  One of the gifts that my baby got from his oldest-and-should-know-better brother was a cross bow (!!!).

As they were trying to figure out how to work the dang thing, my oldest accidentally fired off a shot that was a perfect hit…on one of our outdoor lighting fixtures. You can well imagine how I felt about this, being the mom, even though they were all being quite careful not to point it at anything moving.  (You know, the only rule I have for my, now grown, children is, “DON’T WORRY THE MOM”.  They are constantly breaking that rule. Sigh.)

Now you are probably wondering what all this has to do with Ice Cream.  I might remind the dear reader that this post is about Screaming (see title) and a cross bow can certainly cause a mom to stifle a few well-placed screams.  However, back to my sad tale of birthday ice cream.

Youngest son wanted cookie dough ice cream for his birthday celebration, so I found a great (I thought) recipe and set about to make it.  It is usually my job to make  desserts because Yes!Chef! does not like to make them.  He says, wisely, that too many things can go wrong with having to follow a recipe so closely and baked goods can be like science experiments gone awry when you don’t follow the directions exactly. (He was a biology major in college so I guess he would know.)  I pooh-poohed all that and blissfully started the ice cream.  I made the cookie dough (no eggs) and placed it in the frig to cool. And then I made the custard.

And when it had cooked for the appropriate amount of time, I set it in an ice bath to cool (JUST LIKE THE RECIPE SAID TO DO!)

The trouble started when I put it in the ice cream freezer…I think.  It churned around happily for a while and then when I checked it after about 20 minutes, the texture was a little grainy.  Oh well, I foolishly thought, it will get better after I stir in the cookie dough and put it in the freezer to freeze.  Famous last words.  After all the cross-bowing, and shooting out lights and barbecuing with Yes!Chef!’s new Weber and eating of the good food prepared by Yes!Chef! and other merriment, I broke out the Cookie Dough Ice Cream that everyone was eagerly waiting for.  (Hangs her head in shame.)  It was a disaster.  The cookie dough tasted fine, although I think it had too many chocolate chips and not enough dough.  The texture and mouth feel of the ice cream was, to say the least, not good.

It was slightly separated and left a greasy, buttery coating on my mouth.  Everyone ate it and didn’t say anything until I finally broke the stunned silence by saying, “This ice cream is terrible!”  No one moved.  They continued to pretend to enjoy the ice cream.  “In fact,” I continued, “it’s probably the worst ice cream I have ever tasted.”  There were a few protestations, but it was just because they were being nice.  I apologized profusely and, luckily, the birthday boy said it was just fine (that’s him inspecting it above.)

Well, failure has never stopped me before, so last week I found a very simple recipe for no cook ice cream.  Mix together cream, milk, sugar and vanilla and dump it in the ice cream maker.

It churned for about 15-20 minutes until it looked a little thicker than a milkshake.  We took it out, tasted it (tasted pretty good) and put it in the freezer.

I can honestly say that it was a success.  It was good old fashioned ice cream.  It wasn’t made with a custard, so it didn’t have that really creamy taste.  It was a simple vanilla ice cream and that’s all.  But more importantly it was a success for me.  *Yea!

Then I found a simple fudge sauce and…well, this ice cream concoction made me very happy.  Yes!Chef! and I were the only ones to try this ice cream, but I will be happy to make it again for a Schmautz Haus gathering.  And, I think my family will love it.  I think I will call it “No Scream Ice Cream”.  I might even get bold and add in some cookie dough.

Here’s the recipe for the ice cream from Martha Stewart:

Old-Fashioned Vanilla Ice Cream

Ingredients

• 4 cups heavy cream
• 1 1/2 cups sugar
• Pinch of salt
• 2 tablespoons pure vanilla extract
• 2 cups milk, or half-and-half